The tattoo on my left foot summarizes my entire being with one word, “Dreamer.”  On top of the word floats a simple butterfly that was added for decoration, but it has become more than that.

Dreamer Tattoo

I have dreamed a million different things,  but today I experienced something that I never imagined was possible.  I ran side-by-side with a Franciscan monk on the beach of Cattolica, Italy.

 As my feet hit the sand and the waves splashed up onto my legs, I reflected on where I was last summer.  For about a year or so I was fighting a personal battle, and was fighting pretty hard. Even though the chain of events all started a year ago, it really erupted this time last summer.  Going nights without sleep because of partying and doing drugs to escape the hell I was living in, I found myself trapped in this hole that I had dug. I was reaching for people and things to help me get out when all they were doing was burying me deeper.  Disgusted with my own behavior, I hid from the world for a week in my room.  I went into a deep state of depression.

 Dreaming was all I could really do for my reality.  Well, it freaking sucked.  I was a walking zombie going through the motions for over six months until one day I awoke and the self-torment was over.  This was around March of this year. 

I believe strongly in the laws of attraction and during this year of torment I was getting exactly what I wanted. Since I was dark, depressed, and down, those were the things that I was attracting.  For the past couple of months I have felt rejuvenated and alive.  I have washed myself clean of all the filth I had been carrying for too long. 

What great irony and symbolism is reflected in what happened today. Running is the activity that cleanses my pores and body of toxins.  I was surrounded by God’s perfect creation–water.  I was running in unison with a man who in a sense is the purest human I have ever met.  I was feeling spiritual at the moment; it felt as if  the past was all truly behind me.

In the past week I have felt feelings that I have only dreamed about.  I have seen, tasted, and heard Italy and  have met people that I have only dreamed about.   A man I gave a piece of my heart to calls me his “butterfly.” Coincidentally I have one floating on top of my foot.  He said I was “free in my thinking and loving and that I was like a butterfly.” Never have I wanted to be with someone more in my life.  What he showed me was that reality is so much more fulfilling than dreaming. 

Of course , I am always going to be a dreamer.  But it’s time for the dreams to become reality.